my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Of course I have a pirate flag
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
