I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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