Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After tacos, we're chasing women.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
