it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
