my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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