Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
