everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
