Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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