If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
