Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
