It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
