My friends, they love my intelligence
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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