drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
