Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
