he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
