he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
