Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
