is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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