Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
