I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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