forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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