i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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