Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
