That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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