DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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