i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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