I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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