I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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