I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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