Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
