But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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