dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
