She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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