I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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