Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
