Welp...herpes.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
nutella sex= disaster
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
