Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
