when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
