I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
