bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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