so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
