I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do vagina's smell?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
