Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
