I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
