Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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