Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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