guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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