I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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