Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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