everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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