And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
