My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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