Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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